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Originally Posted by btwn68n70
Sigh fellow bros i need enlightment, most of you are married/experienced in this aspect so hopefully be able to guide me on this journey of relationship.
I made a few threads about my ex gf about 6 months ago and talked about how much i longed for her, some of you told me to move on and some told me to give it another shot. About a month plus ago i finally had the courage to text her and to cut long story short, we were back together after an extremely strenuous conversation. She was my gf for 4 years before this.
I was gleaming with joy all the time since i got back with her, i love her a lot and im pretty certain she does too. However, perhaps due to my close-mindedness(more on this later) i cannot see myself in a future with her. Shes a very headstrong and independant girl and perhaps too much, when shes with me she does act demure and lovely but i can sense that these will eventually fade. As you guys know if a women is too headstrong its both psychologically and sexually repulsive. But again, she has a lot of character amd i think thats why im so attracted to her.
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Bros can you enlighten me, how should i deal with issues like this in the future? I understand that im not someone who controls her life and instruct her what to do and what not, i just wished she didnt. The heels is a small issue but the underlying matter is huge and im sure it will hit us(me) hard in the future. What can i do to improve myself? How can i grow up from these childish and insecure thinkings? I just feel like I love her very very much but i cant see a future of us together
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Bro,
I also in the same shoes (may be not for much longer). My SO is super head strong. We fought a lot. Like what the other bros mentioned, its very tiring and a heart aching process. Each time we fight, a bit of us and a bit of that love fades away. After each fight, I felt a grief that was so hard to express and crying was more difficult.
A close friend to my family always asked me to give in and "live and let live". Saying is one thing, but really looking pass all the issues is not quite me. At some point in time, I broke down and walked out. Sounds like what you are facing? I can tell you that it wasn't the first time I walked out. Would you be walking the same path as me?
Except that I didn't throw tantrums at her. I just got tired enough that I walked out. I can no longer differentiate right from wrong. At times, I wondered if it would helped that I bit the bullet and pretend nothing was wrong. But, people don't change. Face can change, but the way the heart feels doesn't.
While older traditional Chinese folks think that fighting is normal, its something abnormal to me. Because it can reach some point where we all get immune to fighting and what really matters then? We live only this few decades. Do we continue pretending we are happy, so that someday we can close our eyes and that's that? Or do we do something and change the way things are and so that every moment from now on makes sense and has meaning? That choice and decision to change lies right in your hands.
Why did I settle with her in the first place? As far as I remember, it was because she cared for her folks and always made time to go home. That was a value that I treasured. I thought we would get over the fights. But, eventually, it was a terrible feeling to go home... cos seeing the other half with that sour and sulky look
But if you want to continue, the two of you have to talk it out. On the other hand, if you cannot tahan the disagreements, don't waste time... start planning an exit. Life is short. Don't make it shorter. Yes, make it count too.
Fate brings people together, but the heart decides who gets to stay. But, if really fated, two persons will eventually come together. Fate has strange ways of bringing people together. When I was younger, I wanted fight fate. But, now older, I rather let fate do the rest.