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Old 02-03-2015, 11:22 AM
zan888 zan888 is offline
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zan888 deserves a Tiger! - He's a Good Guy
Re: Need enlightenment

Quote:
Originally Posted by cmelater View Post
Bro,

I also in the same shoes (may be not for much longer). My SO is super head strong. We fought a lot. Like what the other bros mentioned, its very tiring and a heart aching process. Each time we fight, a bit of us and a bit of that love fades away. After each fight, I felt a grief that was so hard to express and crying was more difficult.

A close friend to my family always asked me to give in and "live and let live". Saying is one thing, but really looking pass all the issues is not quite me. At some point in time, I broke down and walked out. Sounds like what you are facing? I can tell you that it wasn't the first time I walked out. Would you be walking the same path as me?

Except that I didn't throw tantrums at her. I just got tired enough that I walked out. I can no longer differentiate right from wrong. At times, I wondered if it would helped that I bit the bullet and pretend nothing was wrong. But, people don't change. Face can change, but the way the heart feels doesn't.

While older traditional Chinese folks think that fighting is normal, its something abnormal to me. Because it can reach some point where we all get immune to fighting and what really matters then? We live only this few decades. Do we continue pretending we are happy, so that someday we can close our eyes and that's that? Or do we do something and change the way things are and so that every moment from now on makes sense and has meaning? That choice and decision to change lies right in your hands.

Why did I settle with her in the first place? As far as I remember, it was because she cared for her folks and always made time to go home. That was a value that I treasured. I thought we would get over the fights. But, eventually, it was a terrible feeling to go home... cos seeing the other half with that sour and sulky look

But if you want to continue, the two of you have to talk it out. On the other hand, if you cannot tahan the disagreements, don't waste time... start planning an exit. Life is short. Don't make it shorter. Yes, make it count too.

Fate brings people together, but the heart decides who gets to stay. But, if really fated, two persons will eventually come together. Fate has strange ways of bringing people together. When I was younger, I wanted fight fate. But, now older, I rather let fate do the rest.
Bro, I agree with most of what you said.

All relationship are works in progress but if a relationship takes so much work w/o much progress then I guess we need to talk to the other person calmly and logically for amiable break, if that is possible. Breakups should not be nasty or a blame game. Should be nice nice and understanding. Easier said that done I guess?

Some relationships are so tiring, one wonders why bother carrying on? The pain more than the pleasure? I guess if one can see a rainbow at the end of the struggle, there is a hope there? Well all the best bro. Hope you find what you are looking for.