Help needed in my relationship

[bpafree]

Hello people from sbf, i may need some help regarding my relationship with my gf of more than 3yrs.. we are both in our early 20s.

What i am experiencing currently is that I dunno I still love her or not, cos going out with her during the weekends has been a routine for the past few years. I admit the honeymoon period isnt there anymore. She doesnt bring the 'spark' to me anymore and one impt thing is that she no longer feel sexually attractive to me. The last time we has sex was over a year ago and the last bbbj is more than half a year ago. We only do kissing and hugging but no more sex and bj. I dont ask for them and she didn initiate them. They were just.. like gone for both of us.

We msn/sms each other everyday and still contain those sweet stuffs. But often when i lie on bed, i will imagine/fantasies i am wooing another girl or new girl being with me. I am all confused..

Over the years, I feel abit uneasy about my gf personalities which changes over the time. She is more of a 'think that i am very pretty girl' but in fact i think she jus looks okay, not fat or cui but not very chio, really very average. When in nice places like in the flyer, she keep taking photo of herself and we only took photo together for <5 shots only. And i dont even care about all these, it just doesnt matter anymore.

She sometimes cant be rude to strangers also. For example, when people bu xiao xin knock onto her/step on her feet in crowded places, she will often stare back at them and make remarks like 'ji she me?' 'eh hello, no space liao how u wanna squeeze'. Hiaz, I dont really like this, she doesnt feel like a lady anymore. When she talks to me sometimes, her tone will be arrogant too. But I dont really raise my voice too, just making comments inside my heart. Both of us didn really had a big quarrel before, cos my tolerant level is 150% i would say.

We still buy things for each other during main event like vday or anniversaries, but the feel isnt there anymore. Sometimes when i go out with her, I just hope the time will pass faster so that i could go home and rest and do my own things (I am a working adult, doing part time study too, so weekend is the only time i could rest).

Bros out there, any recommendation for me on what shall i do to salvage this relationship or to make it better? Should i call for a temporary 'break' between we two? And thanks for reading this long post, i just need to write those things that have been bottled inside my heard for some time..

[bpafree]

Hello people from sbf, i may need some help regarding my relationship with my gf of more than 3yrs.. we are both in our early 20s.

What i am experiencing currently is that I dunno I still love her or not, cos going out with her during the weekends has been a routine for the past few years. I admit the honeymoon period isnt there anymore. She doesnt bring the 'spark' to me anymore and one impt thing is that she no longer feel sexually attractive to me. The last time we has sex was over a year ago and the last bbbj is more than half a year ago. We only do kissing and hugging but no more sex and bj. I dont ask for them and she didn initiate them. They were just.. like gone for both of us.

We msn/sms each other everyday and still contain those sweet stuffs. But often when i lie on bed, i will imagine/fantasies i am wooing another girl or new girl being with me. I am all confused..

Over the years, I feel abit uneasy about my gf personalities which changes over the time. She is more of a 'think that i am very pretty girl' but in fact i think she jus looks okay, not fat or cui but not very chio, really very average. When in nice places like in the flyer, she keep taking photo of herself and we only took photo together for <5 shots only. And i dont even care about all these, it just doesnt matter anymore.

She sometimes cant be rude to strangers also. For example, when people bu xiao xin knock onto her/step on her feet in crowded places, she will often stare back at them and make remarks like 'ji she me?' 'eh hello, no space liao how u wanna squeeze'. Hiaz, I dont really like this, she doesnt feel like a lady anymore. When she talks to me sometimes, her tone will be arrogant too. But I dont really raise my voice too, just making comments inside my heart. Both of us didn really had a big quarrel before, cos my tolerant level is 150% i would say.

We still buy things for each other during main event like vday or anniversaries, but the feel isnt there anymore. Sometimes when i go out with her, I just hope the time will pass faster so that i could go home and rest and do my own things (I am a working adult, doing part time study too, so weekend is the only time i could rest).

Bros out there, any recommendation for me on what shall i do to salvage this relationship or to make it better? Should i call for a temporary 'break' between we two? And thanks for reading this long post, i just need to write those things that have been bottled inside my heard for some time..

[sammyboyfor]

It's over. Dump her quickly and get yourself a new girl.

[ESebastian]

Apparently the way you have describe the situation, it has become more of a habit than a relationship. The passion and spark has departed and you begin to detest or take notice of her behavior.
Time for a clean break and move on, focus on your studies and career. A man should be financially sound.
Decide for yourself if she is the one that you want to marry. If its just bf/gf with no long-term plans, move on to someone that will be able to engage you mentally and physically.

[SpankMeEasy]

C'mon ppl, don't advice ppl to break up their r/s before putting in some kinda efforts first, at least.

"my tolerant level is 150%"

you have 2 choices:

1. Jack up ur tolerance level until it reaches 1000%, and then you explode and then pick up a chainsaw and do whatever you need to do. I'm not talking abt cutting down trees.
2. Talk to her. Don't bottle it up. Sounds like there's lack of communication in ur r/s.

No quarrel, not healthy, not normal. This isn't a r/s, it's 2 separate lives linking by the past histories.


Talk to her and see what comes out. Then take it from there. If she doesn't like it, it's a quarrel, it's a start. If ur r/s couldn't stand the test of some quarrels, then break up make sense.

[ESebastian]

Originally Posted by SpankMeEasy

C'mon ppl, don't advice ppl to break up their r/s before putting in some kinda efforts first, at least.

Sorry bro, I am just offering what I have in mind based on my own experiences and observations of case-studies surrounding me.

Originally Posted by bpafree

... When in nice places like in the flyer, she keep taking photo of herself and we only took photo together for <5 shots only

Our bro place in her heart has been displaced by her own vanity-fair. Correct me if I am wrong but usually it is the gfs that offered to take a couple picture together most of the time?

Originally Posted by bpafree

.... Sometimes when i go out with her, I just hope the time will pass faster so that i could go home and rest and do my own things....

Our bro here should be more focus on reality and work towards a career.


However, I do agree that communication is utmost important in a relationship and he should get it done and not drag further.
What I cannot accept in my own thinking is to jack up the tolerance level. In my perspective of a relationship, there is should be no compromises all the time instead there should be compliments. A relationship is not about compromising, it is complimentary to one another.

[Buzzoff]

Based on what you say, I think it is time for you to move on. Ask yourself this: If she is out of your life, can you go on? Maybe you can suggest that you guys take a break (meaning dun see each other for a period of time), then see how each of you feel for the other person. Don't stay in a relationship just because of habit or because you have invested so much time and effort already - what matters is not what you have done or put in but what you think this relationship will take you in the future. If bf/gf stage you already like that, how to survive when you are married to her.

[bpafree]

Thanks for the replies bros, I feel that i should talk and discuss with her before going straight for a clean break. one of the consideration is that me and her family members get along well over the years, but a sudden break-up will cause awkwardness when we meet each other again in the street..

We did discuss about the future before, it was a nice feeling. On the other side of my mind, i dun wanna lose her too. She is my 1st gf and i devoted a lot in the past.. I got a feeling that even i found a new gf in the future if i happen to break up with my current one, i will still miss her and the things that we done in the past..

[Banyan]

Bro, don't you think your post answered your own question on what you should do ?

[SpankMeEasy]

Originally Posted by ESebastian

A relationship is not about compromising, it is complimentary to one another.

Actually he does less than compromising, all TS does is given in to her ways. Comprosmise is when both parties each gives in.


TS, sounds like it's ur fault that she's becoming like that!!! You're spoiling her!!! Pampering her ways too much!!!

I suggest u should point out what u don't like abt her, if it's not for ur r/s sake, for her sake.

Communicate man. Speak up! Don't suffer in silence, it's neither healthy for you, or for ur r/s.

[goodpartner]

Originally Posted by bpafree

Bros out there, any recommendation for me on what shall i do to salvage this relationship or to make it better?

Should i call for a temporary 'break' between we two?

What have you done to salvage or make the r/s better? Nothing?
If nothing, try something first (as suggested, talk). Then after you tried and still fail, then go for the 2nd option (temp break).

From the sound of it, actually the end result is obvious and you know it. Suggesting to "try something" first is merely to let yourself feel better when you do the needful later.

Else you'll be stuck where you are for another 3 years before you still need to go through this process.

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by bpafree

but a sudden break-up will cause awkwardness when we meet each other again in the street..

You're willing to sign up to a lifetime of misery just to avoid the off chance of a bit of awkwardness once in a while???

i will still miss her and the things that we done in the past..

The biggest mistake most people commit is to make decisions based on what has happened in the past.

The correct way to live your life is to make decisions based on what you're aiming for in the future.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Originally Posted by bpafree

Hello people from sbf, i may need some help regarding my relationship with my gf of more than 3yrs.. we are both in our early 20s

You do not need any help.
You both do not have any probs.
Your probs are above.
Its called growing up.
Wanting to gain more experience & sexperience and is still not ready to settle down.
Enjoy it!
Have a good chat, break off and move on to greener pastures and remains as friends........
9/10 marriages gets FUCKED UP because of questions like the one you posted.
Because, both aint ready to settle and is still growing, experiencing the world and the flesh........
Go for it, enjoy growing up.......marriage later when you're financially stable and sick of all these stuff or you find someone worthy and mentally ready to settle down, else dun even think about it.

[SpankMeEasy]

You're right on DO_YOU_BJ...it's all part of the growing pains, and there's a lot of it coming right at them in years to come

[alan0338]

boy, u still young la, dun waste time liao, no more shiok then need to get out asap, time to find another target