Eligible but always rejected.

[Aesthetic]

I felt that I always have issue getting into a exclusive relationship with the opposite gender.

At 22 years old, intelligent and physically attractive, my dates with the opposite gender never transcend beyond the initial physical attraction.

Take the recent girl who rejected me a few months back, she never rejected my dates and her replies to me were almost always instant, although, granted that I was always the one initiating texts and dates. We flirted over texts regularly but the moment I confessed, I was rejected. We went out a couple of times-6times-over a course of few months; silence are common on our date since I am aware she can't measure up to my intellectual capacity, so I settled to listening to her go about her families, friends and work. Well, I'm fine with it. I listen to her rants abouts work frustrations and stress. I pay for dates, and even after they got attached, I ended up having to pay for their due share if we happened to went out. Experiencing a few rejection consecutively from different girls frustrates me a lot and I find myself viewing the opposite gender in a misogynistic lens; consequentially because I do not know what is it that I'm lacking or doing wrong even after evaluation and post-factum reference to my dating patterns. These girls whom I've went out with on a date aren't top models, in any, just your average Jane. She did once complain that she find it difficult to talk to me because I was too 'deep'. Sometime after rejection, I asked what was the cause that lead to my rejection and all I got was "you're nice but you need some luck". Typical clinch bullshit. Could the reason be because I lack skills in playing the dating game? I intuit that effort no longer count for as much as someone who is skilled at playing the dating game. It seems like I could spend months of effort and yet fail whereas some guys would need only to spend a month or two just to get into a relationship.


I want to do something about it. I hate being in the position whereby some other guys enter the picture midway into my pursue after the girl, or, having to see the girl date some other guy shortly after I've been rejected. Its a bitter feeling. Its a recurring pattern which always happened to me and I'm frustrated. I'm not looking to win her back because given my anger at the rejector, coupled with my pride, I would never accept a relationship with anyone who rejected me. I've been diagnosed with melancholy depression and this is one of the issues at play that which is affecting me. I can't get over the fact that I've been failing.

[DegenerationX]

Originally Posted by Aesthetic

We went out a couple of times-6times-over a course of few months; silence are common on our date since I am aware she can't measure up to my intellectual capacity, so I settled to listening to her go about her families, friends and work.

She did once complain that she find it difficult to talk to me because I was too 'deep'. Sometime after rejection, I asked what was the cause that lead to my rejection and all I got was "you're nice but you need some luck". Typical clinch bullshit.

See those i bold. u think u are very intelligent and the gal cant match up to you. This by itself shows me u are overconfident or even arrogant. Confidence and overconfidence is just a thin line of difference.

Silence on dates are big taboo. The date itself becomes boring. Who wants togo on a boring date?

Always listening to gals talking is also a big taboo. Gals like guys who can chat up with them and hold the conversation.

And lastly, gals don't like nice guys.....That's not bullshit, its absolutely true.

[geckoSG]

Gals hate guys that are proud & over-confident & of course arrogant.
Vice versa. Some people easily mis-interprete messages and gets offended
easily. So you need to know what's wrong during your conversations...

But if you dun communicate well and makes the gal feel boring, then its
up the lorry... Gals like guys who make them feel happy, laugh and comfy.

Of cos, there are some who lacks sense of humour...

Good luck to you TS...

[arsenal_84]

Originally Posted by DegenerationX

And lastly, gals don't like nice guys.....That's not bullshit, its absolutely true.

that's why i stop being nice last year...feels a lot better having turned to the dark side
guess i had enough of them stepping over my head with insensitive comments.

[Aesthetic]

Originally Posted by DegenerationX

See those i bold. u think u are very intelligent and the gal cant match up to you. This by itself shows me u are overconfident or even arrogant. Confidence and overconfidence is just a thin line of difference.

Silence on dates are big taboo. The date itself becomes boring. Who wants togo on a boring date?

Always listening to gals talking is also a big taboo. Gals like guys who can chat up with them and hold the conversation.

And lastly, gals don't like nice guys.....That's not bullshit, its absolutely true.

I might sound crude that is a matter of fact.

What do you suggest? Its not helping that I'm sinking further into depression whenever I think of my constant failure in this area. My friends have suggested me to tone down on my intellect, and I've been making efforts to.
Also, I've just been posted to as an NSF to RP(trainee). What is the nature of the vocation. I am on current medical review, excuse stay in, excuse firearms and explosives for a month.

[Aesthetic]

Originally Posted by geckoSG

Gals hate guys that are proud & over-confident & of course arrogant.
Vice versa. Some people easily mis-interprete messages and gets offended
easily. So you need to know what's wrong during your conversations...

But if you dun communicate well and makes the gal feel boring, then its
up the lorry... Gals like guys who make them feel happy, laugh and comfy.

Of cos, there are some who lacks sense of humour...

Good luck to you TS...

You're getting the wrong impression. I know I'm intelligent but I do not impress upon her as being more superior. I find it difficult to find interest in taking about the usual family, friends, and more general topics. What are some ways I can improve. What is also wrong with being nice (I'm not a pushover).

[alan0338]

TS, i remember u are the one whom i need to use dictionary to be able to understand ur posts la and dun like the smiley here..
the gal is rite, u really too deep aka chim aka profound aka difficult to understand....
make things simpler for the gals or ur frens la, talk cock when necessary, lighten things up, u will be fine, given ur intelligence + army education in tcss, sure bo problem to do tat,good luck

p/s dun talk to me, i dun wan to use dictionary

[Aesthetic]

Originally Posted by alan0338

TS, i remember u are the one whom i need to use dictionary to be able to understand ur posts la and dun like the smiley here..
the gal is rite, u really too deep aka chim aka profound aka difficult to understand....
make things simpler for the gals or ur frens la, talk cock when necessary, lighten things up, u will be fine, given ur intelligence + army education in tcss, sure bo problem to do tat,good luck

p/s dun talk to me, i dun wan to use dictionary

But I do not talk to her about topics which are overly abstract. Its disheartening whenever I see girls whom I was interested get together with guys who aren't great in any aspects.

[gotcraft30]

bro, i think you need to tone down the way you think because it will also show in your actions and the way you talk. It doesn't mean you stop being intelligent but try not to be too haughty about your intellect vs theirs. Maybe you should ask yourself what is it that the other guy have that I don't? That might help things out a bit.

At any rate, girls around your age wants a guy who is fun and cheeky to be with and not intellectually stimulating. If you notice most girls want "humor" as one of the characteristics. Oh yes (only do this if you want to have fun), being a bastard helps... I have seen countless women falling for guys like that. My personal count when i was Mr Nice Guy is zero, but when I am Mr Asshole 15. Even Wayne Rooney is not scoring that many goals...

Worse comes to worse, try reading Neil Strauss' books. Some of the tricks really work.

[LF1012]

On a surface level, seems that your problem is High IQ, Low EQ. You think too much, what you think about I would have no idea.

Be silly, be spontaenous, be humorous, be sensitive, be gruff, be a dumbass, be embarassed.

Don't hear but not listen.

Gals like to share feelings and have empathy, that's why they talk 7 times as much as guys. They don't actively look to solve their problems, but more on getting it out so they don't have to bottle it inside. Share with them your similar experience or extend your empathy towards them. Or at the other end, involve her in something else that makes her forget them when with you. ( Mind you, girls like to go out with me cos I am able to make them laugh all the time with silly comments and introspective views, but still, bugger it, more slip thro than not. Can't be lucky all the time I guess )


Don't look but not see.

This is hard to describe. Observe and pay attention to her expressions, dressings, moods. Compliment her when you think she looks good in a particular dressing, or when she styles her hair a certain way. Comment to her on how her feel is, eg - her appearance todays seems light hearted, joyful, energetic.

I have not been in the relationship scene a long long time but I hope the above still applies.

[Aesthetic]

I think moderator has to do something about the deduction of points. Why are my points deducted? Put down your name bunch of wussies.

[Aesthetic]

Originally Posted by LF1012

On a surface level, seems that your problem is High IQ, Low EQ. You think too much, what you think about I would have no idea.

Be silly, be spontaenous, be humorous, be sensitive, be gruff, be a dumbass, be embarassed.

Don't hear but not listen.

Gals like to share feelings and have empathy, that's why they talk 7 times as much as guys. They don't actively look to solve their problems, but more on getting it out so they don't have to bottle it inside. Share with them your similar experience or extend your empathy towards them. Or at the other end, involve her in something else that makes her forget them when with you. ( Mind you, girls like to go out with me cos I am able to make them laugh all the time with silly comments and introspective views, but still, bugger it, more slip thro than not. Can't be lucky all the time I guess )


Don't look but not see.

This is hard to describe. Observe and pay attention to her expressions, dressings, moods. Compliment her when you think she looks good in a particular dressing, or when she styles her hair a certain way. Comment to her on how her feel is, eg - her appearance todays seems light hearted, joyful, energetic.

I have not been in the relationship scene a long long time but I hope the above still applies.

Could that be the problem? I don't compliment, nor do I engage in minor and superficial physical touches. I feel disoriented. It seems I no longer can distinguish what are the genuine signs and what are not. What I cannot come to a closure is their refusal to tell me in the face that they are uninterested in me when it is the case that they have known in the initial phase that I am interested in them and hence, my asking them out on a date. The impression I am under is that they want to enjoy the meals up to the point when I confess. I see a difference in the attitude of females when I am half-drunk in the club and when I'm not under the influence of alcoholic beverages. In the former, getting the girls and their contacts is just too easy. Does the bad boy image plays a part? I'm really starting to feel misogynistic.

[LF1012]

You are starting to feel and sound like the dude in A Beautiful Mind.

Emotions are illogical and can't be quantified. To approach it in a calculated or precise manner is not going to work well. They are girls, they think, feel, act differently from us dudes. I have no idea why they like flowers, but you know that they are going to be happy when they are given them, so I give them flowers.

Don't look too much into why, be Nike.

Just Do It.

[GDX11]

Ladies like to be sought after. Granted.

But usually upon hinting my interest, I will play alilttle hot & cold and gradually make her like me. I wont be dating her and all ... while I'm the only one trying to get things working. Well, there's no one size fits all approach but I always like to advise this ..

It's not about YOU LOVING HER (all the guys kept reiterate this), it's about how to make them like you... KC THEM.

Don't be too stuck up with your self-confessed superior intellectual capacity. It can be sexy to some and arrogance to another.

[Aesthetic]

Originally Posted by GDX11

Ladies like to be sought after. Granted.

But usually upon hinting my interest, I will play alilttle hot & cold and gradually make her like me. I wont be dating her and all ... while I'm the only one trying to get things working. Well, there's no one size fits all approach but I always like to advise this ..

It's not about YOU LOVING HER (all the guys kept reiterate this), it's about how to make them like you... KC THEM.

Don't be too stuck up with your self-confessed superior intellectual capacity. It can be sexy to some and arrogance to another.

I already said my intellect isn't an issue because I don't flaunt it. I take on an egalitarian stand and I see her as on par with me. I don't know what's wrong and its really frustrating!