Need enlightenment

btwn68n70 · #1 07-02-2015, 02:10 AM

Sigh fellow bros i need enlightment, most of you are married/experienced in this aspect so hopefully be able to guide me on this journey of relationship.

I made a few threads about my ex gf about 6 months ago and talked about how much i longed for her, some of you told me to move on and some told me to give it another shot. About a month plus ago i finally had the courage to text her and to cut long story short, we were back together after an extremely strenuous conversation. She was my gf for 4 years before this.

I was gleaming with joy all the time since i got back with her, i love her a lot and im pretty certain she does too. However, perhaps due to my close-mindedness(more on this later) i cannot see myself in a future with her. Shes a very headstrong and independant girl and perhaps too much, when shes with me she does act demure and lovely but i can sense that these will eventually fade. As you guys know if a women is too headstrong its both psychologically and sexually repulsive. But again, she has a lot of character amd i think thats why im so attracted to her.

Today i threw a tanthrum at her, I suppose im the one who is too sensitive and i blame myself for it. Its for an extremely small matter and Im sure most bros here will go like wtf and think im extremely childish. I previously told her that to avoid wearing heels that have a pointed tip. I have a huge foot fetish and I know that pointe heels would make her have a crooked big toe so i told her not to wear it but if she wants, buy open heels instead. Today she told me she bought her first pair of heels and guess what, pointe heels. Immediately i felt unhappy but i know how childish it is to be angry at her over a pair of heels so when she was talking about it i told her to stop and never mention it again.

I felt unhappy because despite me telling her to not do something i dont like, she does it. And the worst part is that she isnt doing it to go against me, she bought it because she thinks it looks nice. I acknowlege my retardedness in this matter and when she phoned me i spoke very little throughtout the night and she kept asking why but i didnt say despite her asking many times. I know im too insensitive, petty and insecure. However i cannot control how i feel, i can only find a way to supress and then get over it in a few days. Perhaps im very stressed up by needing to drive a lot in heavy traffic in the day (sales job, $&#% 5km/l petrol).

Bros can you enlighten me, how should i deal with issues like this in the future? I understand that im not someone who controls her life and instruct her what to do and what not, i just wished she didnt. The heels is a small issue but the underlying matter is huge and im sure it will hit us(me) hard in the future. What can i do to improve myself? How can i grow up from these childish and insecure thinkings? I just feel like I love her very very much but i cant see a future of us together

max12333 · #2 07-02-2015, 02:29 AM

What u need is to think before what u do.

what is the consequence before u say something or react to some things.

All the best to you.

If you were to quarrel over such a minor issue and the frequency of quarreling is so regular., eventually this girl will leave you.
Reason being meeting you up or talking to you will eventually end up quarreling.

No point.

crood · #3 07-02-2015, 03:00 AM

It is indeed a turn off for women when u display such negativity. However glad that u can acknowledged and tackle the issue, this shows u really want to work things out with her.

Whenever u feel there's a resentment building up, ask for time off and avoid saying things to hurt her.
Communicate after cooling down. Never ever say or do things in impulse to hurt her.

HTH.

btwn68n70 · #4 07-02-2015, 03:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crood

It is indeed a turn off for women when u display such negativity. However glad that u can acknowledged and tackle the issue, this shows u really want to work things out with her.

Whenever u feel there's a resentment building up, ask for time off and avoid saying things to hurt her.
Communicate after cooling down. Never ever say or do things in impulse to hurt her.

HTH.

Very good advice. I used to lash out on her and thats what made her leave me even after 4 years. I love this her a lot and would do the best i can to sustain this relationship. However this is a problem ive always faced and by the looks of it, i havent grown up and out of that childish phase

crood · #5 07-02-2015, 03:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by btwn68n70

Very good advice. I used to lash out on her and thats what made her leave me even after 4 years. I love this her a lot and would do the best i can to sustain this relationship. However this is a problem ive always faced and by the looks of it, i havent grown up and out of that childish phase

At the very least u know where u know your problem lies and willing to work on it. A successful man is one who admit their weaknesses.

Take baby step first and keep on practise it until you really change for the better.

好好珍惜她, lose her and u will never get another chance again.

sammyboyfor · #6 07-02-2015, 08:01 AM

Time to get a new girlfriend. This one is going to make you miserable for the rest of your life.

rtmFRs · #7 07-02-2015, 08:08 AM

TS,
it will be a constant struggle to be the one in control
also ,the man usually wants control and should be

if u want to pick a struggle, go ahead

how can it last? i wonder...

esssinine · #8 07-02-2015, 09:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by btwn68n70

I previously told her that to avoid wearing heels that have a pointed tip. I have a huge foot fetish and I know that pointe heels would make her have a crooked big toe so i told her not to wear it but if she wants, buy open heels instead. Today she told me she bought her first pair of heels and guess what, pointe heels. Immediately i felt unhappy but i know how childish it is to be angry at her over a pair of heels so when she was talking about it i told her to stop and never mention it again.

goodness i think u need to see a shrink

maxsee · #9 07-02-2015, 10:41 AM

It must be very tiring for her to be with you as well...even shoes u also want to control...most likely both of you are in your 20s, that's why she willing to put up with all this.....

a2014 · #10 07-02-2015, 11:18 AM

TS, if you wants to control everything that another person does be it men or women, you are only demonstrating that you are very very self center. Everything in this world evolved around you. You cannot accept anything that you feel not your liking.

If you don't change your way of looking at things and the way you treat a living things then I don't see anyone can help you. Both men and women don't appreciate you kind of character, they may love you as a friend nothing else.

Therefore you need to learn to love what other love and try not to put yourself ahead of others in whatever things that happened. At time you need to let others win.

Take Care.

topcook1 · #11 07-02-2015, 11:21 AM

The biggest enemy in this world is you yourself......What u think is right others might not. There is no right and wrong ...Do some soul searching. Human relationship is not easy thing to manage be it friends , siblings , relatives etc.......The only way is to close 2 eyes and live on. If not be a loner is the best. You will have a peace of mind.

MoJoe313 · #12 07-02-2015, 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

Time to get a new girlfriend. This one is going to make you miserable for the rest of your life.

TS,
I agree with the boss. Dump her. Or end up here permanently after you are bound to her by marriage. Submissiveness is key in a woman. I sense you are limited by your options rather than motivated by love. Go out and meet more people.

hamsapkwai · #13 07-02-2015, 01:16 PM

thats the way brother show these women whos the boss

knock them around and tell them what shoes to wear, what mascara to put on , how long they should wear their hair and watch that neckline or else.....

thats the foundation of a good loving relationship

show them that we chauvinistic sadistic sobs know how to be a fantastic life partner

porscheclub · #14 07-02-2015, 01:52 PM

TS, you have a mind of a child but at least you pen it down. Now, go experience more in life, struggle a little & look back again for a good laugh.

The girl, let her go & relief yourself of this agony.

You should've simply told her, "Sweetie, heels are incredibly sexy on you but closed fronts will give you crow feet, you wouldn't want those do you?"

btwn68n70 · #15 07-02-2015, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by porscheclub

TS, you have a mind of a child but at least you pen it down. Now, go experience more in life, struggle a little & look back again for a good laugh.

The girl, let her go & relief yourself of this agony.

You should've simply told her, "Sweetie, heels are incredibly sexy on you but closed fronts will give you crow feet, you wouldn't want those do you?"

Thanks, since i didnt tell her anything about it yet i will tell her that later. Thanks all for advices