lost

[leakypipes]

I married 4 yrs plus liao. 1 daughter. Know my wife 2 yrs before marry.

I quit chionging after met wife. Because I tot settle down. Don't play w fire. We were ok. Rarely quarrel. But looking back, was obvious we weren't happy also.

Then she cheat on me w another guy from work. The moment she lied I know liao. And she deny until I confront her until cannot lie. I forgive her. We had our baby.

Then recently I start to chiong again. I haven't forgiven her. Since she want cheat and lie, I take it many step further. She still don't know. We're still not happy. I chiong also is shiok for awhile only. After that still unhappy.

I don't want destroy my baby life. And I don't believe in divorce. Till death do us part. I will die before I divorce her. Until then, I wonder- will I ever stop chionging? Or is bullshit only.

[Biggietitties]

Can tell u love your wife a lot. I not sure about your wife. There must be reasons why she did all the cheating. Communication is important, try talking nicely to your wife. Heart to heart talks, small chats. Its not about ' hws your day?', ' eaten already?' or things about ur kid.. Talk more. Spice up your relationship. Go for massage together, movie dates, dinner dates or even family outing to parks..

dont be lost. Get your compass and find your way home. Cheers.

[Brainstorm]

Originally Posted by leakypipes

I chiong also is shiok for awhile only. After that still unhappy.

I don't want destroy my baby life. And I don't believe in divorce. Till death do us part. I will die before I divorce her. Until then, I wonder- will I ever stop chionging? Or is bullshit only.

I think, in your heart, you know the answer to your own question. There is an empty feeling after you cheong and then guilt and more questions fill your mind. You cheong for what? Revenge? Anger at your wife? Or horny? Or can you stop cheonging in future because you love your baby and you want your baby to grow up in a full family environment?

[NetRodent]

Taking Revenge is one of the common outlet for men/women.

It doesn't meant you don't love your partner, it meant you had actually cherished the relationship, and due to sudden mindless impulse you did something breakin your principle of upkeeping the relationship becoz of her/his infidelity, you choose to get even.

The new sexual relationship with newer partner is definitely enjoyable, but it is not based on a strong relationship, it will fall apart quickly, and back to the same feeling lonesome and lost.

Best to spice up your current marital relationship, and both party long for each other in the relationship, it will work out fine.

My 2 cents worth..

[leakypipes]

WAnt to spice up takes two, bros. I can remember how I fell in love. I can remember first date, first kiss, first movie, first holiday. Even first day we met.

She cheat on me is not small thing. But I can understand. She say I not paying attention to her. And I agree. So I change. I exercise. Lose weight. So I can look more attractive and have more energy to do more things w her. Go out and do what she wants. In return?

I was taken for granted. I exercise and succeed in losing weight. 10 kg. Not impressed. I spend time with her and offer go shopping with her - she want watch tv. I watch tv and gain weight - I not taking care of myself.

Last time I chiong cos I young and stupid. Want to have fun only. Live for today.

Now I chiong less often - but when I go, is because I tu lan liao. I try become better is no good. I just let it be, also no good. Pay wg so I can forget and gain some satisfaction. Maybe all married men chiong out of the same desperation. I dunno.

I thank all bros who replied. I thought v long abt whether to post. In the end, I just want to know someone cares.

[NetRodent]

Originally Posted by leakypipes

WAnt to spice up takes two, bros. I can remember how I fell in love. I can remember first date, first kiss, first movie, first holiday. Even first day we met.

Yes, but u would need someone to initiate the spicing up for the relationship, simple things like first date/wedding anniversary dinners, birthday gifts, and those events would meant alot, trust me, it would do wonders.

Even you could bring her to the place where you first make out during these anniversary, it would bring back fond memories, and it helps to heal and regain back the momentum for babylove, or puppylove.

She cheat on me is not small thing. But I can understand. She say I not paying attention to her. And I agree. So I change. I exercise. Lose weight. So I can look more attractive and have more energy to do more things w her. Go out and do what she wants. In return?

Yes, I did the same kinda self-improvement, but it just one-sided, don't have her involvement, it would not have the same effects, it should benefit her if you want your effort noticed. Bring her to spa, had couple massage, she would appreciate if help her with her image/beauty too.

Now I chiong less often - but when I go, is because I tu lan liao. I try become better is no good. I just let it be, also no good. Pay wg so I can forget and gain some satisfaction. Maybe all married men chiong out of the same desperation. I dunno.

Yup, de-stressed is the word (excuse) we use, 只是应酬而已。

But whatever you do, just be sensible, for every action, there is an reaction.
Don't forget you got a baby who parents whose relationship is in limbo.

[owl888]

Hi bro, TS shd read ur signature. Well said, up ur rep pts!

Originally Posted by NetRodent

Best to spice up your current marital relationship, and both party long for each other in the relationship, it will work out fine.

My 2 cents worth..

A woman is like Bluetooth.
You are next to her, she stays connected.
You go away, she finds new devices.

A man, however, is like WiFi.
Many devices can connect to him as long as he is not secured.

[hurts]

Originally Posted by leakypipes

I quit chionging after met wife. Because I tot settle down. Don't play w fire. We were ok. Rarely quarrel. But looking back, was obvious we weren't happy also.

Then she cheat on me w another guy from work. The moment she lied I know liao. And she deny until I confront her until cannot lie. I forgive her. We had our baby.

Then recently I start to chiong again. I haven't forgiven her.

U said u forgiven her then again you say , you havent forgive her because you start chionging?? I simply dont understand what you want?

[leakypipes]

Originally Posted by hurts

U said u forgiven her then again you say , you havent forgive her because you start chionging?? I simply dont understand what you want?

I thought I forgive liao. But when I think again... it happened because I was taken from granted. And I'm still taken for granted. My efforts are wasted.

I also know rs not so simple. But knowing that don't make me feel any better abt the state of things.

[ahtat77]

if your wife has cheated on you once,she'll do it again. get a divorce since you're unhappy being in this relationship,i'm sure being single again would make you a happier person than cheonging. if you don't believe in divorce then you just have to live your life in misery and pain. the only way to get back at your wife is letting her get a taste of her own medicine,to have a fling another woman. be more like a man bro.

[ethl]

Firstly, once cracks have formed, it will never be the same again. Can attribute this to mistrust, anger, inability to forget etc.

Next, men are always practical and logical creatures. You were trying to solve the problem by addressing what you believe are the relevant issues: working out, spending time together etc. Am not surprised it's not really working out. Do you really believe these are the real issues behind the deterioration in your relationship?

Sounds to me like there may be deeper, more significant issues behind this. Your job is to discover what these really are.

Just my humble opinion. Good luck!

[rockafella04]

Originally Posted by leakypipes

I married 4 yrs plus liao. 1 daughter. Know my wife 2 yrs before marry.

I quit chionging after met wife. Because I tot settle down. Don't play w fire. We were ok. Rarely quarrel. But looking back, was obvious we weren't happy also.

Then she cheat on me w another guy from work. The moment she lied I know liao. And she deny until I confront her until cannot lie. I forgive her. We had our baby.

Then recently I start to chiong again. I haven't forgiven her. Since she want cheat and lie, I take it many step further. She still don't know. We're still not happy. I chiong also is shiok for awhile only. After that still unhappy.

I don't want destroy my baby life. And I don't believe in divorce. Till death do us part. I will die before I divorce her. Until then, I wonder- will I ever stop chionging? Or is bullshit only.

I hate to say this and also from a very chinese POV I should not even be suggesting this.

To live by your principles of till death do us part and not divorcing seems like a really foolhardy decision.

Life is short, if your not happy with your relation, work it out and if your still not happy work it out some more if you find yourself at the point that nothing seems to be working then bro I would gladly ask you to go ahead and call it quits. Having a strong sense of revenge is not going to work either, if you are sleeping with someone else please do not use that as a reason to hurt your wife.

I do understand that in such a situation there will definitely be a certain degree of impact on your kid but as parents its both your duties to cut it down to a manageable level or even to the point she gets the least impact.

Just my 2 cents worth but I do not think that partying can really help since you did not actually solve your issue its just a getaway......

[leakypipes]

Bro ethl I agree w u. Sigh

Bro rockafella 04, I'm indeed partying to get away. Getaway better than feeling sad.

[jj_jj]

Bro leakypipes,
For a boat (with a couple) to move forward, both need to row in the same direction.
You feel that you have done a lot for her, being taken for granted; from her perspective it may not be enough or perhaps not good enough?

One can do a million things but what good is that if all these are not appreciated? It could be that she just wants something else, that something could be easily done but it just never crossed your mind.

Take some time out to think deep and talk to your wife. Maybe she wants to talk to you abt the stuff that happened. Communication is the most important factor in any r/s.

If both of you want to fix the leaks in the "boat", counselling may be of help.
At least you will know what she wants and decide the next move.

If the heart is broken, it can still be patched up. But if it is dead, then it's sayonara.
I wish you all the best

[Greatking]

Cheonging is not addictive at all.

Take out your phone. Erase off the chiongsters.

Take out your phone. Erase off the FLs and bitches.

I'm a super chiongster who used to frequent nightclubs 5-6 times a week.

It takes me less than a day to know my monies is better worth investing in something healthier.

Choice is yours. And is only a matter of want or don't want.