Daylight

[demonicsage]

"But you didn't keep me"

Words are sharper than swords. Especially words of truth.

And they hurt like hell.

---

Day 0

1 years, 9 months and 10 days ago

I've been in this country for close to 3 years. Migrated because of a girl I fell in love at first sight, and spent past 2 years and 8 months with her. Then, inexplicably, she left me.

I was lost. And hurt.

Mutual friends split up. Some stood by my side, until today. Some blamed me.

I don't blame them.

I used to be moderately good as a PUA. But 32 months of being in a committed serious relationship made me rusty. Really rusty.

After going through days of loneliness, I went onto chat apps.

No, I wasn't looking for sex. Far from it. My mind wasn't even in it.

I wanted company. Someone to talk to while holding hands. Or just someone who would laugh at my stupid jokes.

Sure, there are good friends around, in the country and overseas. But it's just not the same.

Then one day, I started talking with her.

Lindsey.

She is beautiful. Very classical Asian beauty. And she is a professional dancer.

We started exchanging conversations. She loves Dan Brown's books, so do I. She had a boyfriend. I didn't mind that. I wasn't looking for anything sexual or romantic, after all.

We only used the app to chat, and moved onto LINE. We didn't exchange phone numbers. I didn't ask, and she didn't either.

Things weren't going well between them. I only tried to mend them, through my words of encouragement to her to mend their relationship.

They broke up weeks after we started talking.

Two weeks later, I found myself on a plane to a cold, highland city. To meet her. She was on a trip with her friends.

That was 1 year, 9 months and 10 days ago.

[demonicsage]

Plane landed at 8+AM. I took a coach to city center, and informed her I'd arrived.

Her friends were going to leave that morning. She gave excuses to remain behind. After all, she has distant relatives in the city.

We didn't arrange or plan anything ahead. It was an impulsive decision at my end, telling her I'd come meet her. That's all.

No expectation, either at my side or hers.

I couldn't check in at the hotel until 2PM. Fine by me. I left my bag, and walked around the city.

It's a small city. Cool weather, and have European architecture in some parts. In certain areas, you'd feel like you're walking in a mountainous city in France.

She told me to wait by this particular school. I did. Google Map helped.

Children were playing in the school playground. I waited by the gate. Smiling and looking at them.

"Damn it", I muttered, as the cool wind kept hitting my face.

I underestimated the weather, and only brought a couple tees and dress shirts + a lightweight wool blazer. Nowhere near enough for the temperature I was seeing on my phone.

I pulled my jacket's lapels closer to cover my chest from cold wind, and saw this beauty walking towards my direction.

Purple knitted wool top, short jeans with leggings, black ankle boots and purple beret hat - all on this tall beauty.

She smiled as she approached me, and asked, "Vincent?".

I smiled, and extended my hand, "Hi Lindsey!".

I held her hand in mine. Maybe a little bit too long. Because I was gazing at her beautiful face.

She blushed, "Ermm, should we go? Let's walk around a bit and let me show you the city".

"Sure", I said as I let go of her hand, and walked alongside her.

It was a bit of silence between us at first. No, not the awkward silence. Rather a peaceful one.

Birds were chiming. The cold wind was gradually turning into a cool breeze that brushed past our cheeks frequently. Oh and the 10AM sun was finally giving us the warmth.

We walked side by side, with her occasionally explaining to me about sights we saw on the way. I didn't ask where we were going. She didn't tell me either.

The city was beautiful. We walked on what seemed to be one of the major roads, and with the blue sky background, god, the colonial-era buildings were a sight to behold.

She stopped near a church, "Hey, let's go to that church! I wanna take photos".

So we did.

By this time, we were already talking. Casual conversation, really. And some laughters.

I snapped some photos of her and the church, and the architecture on my iPhone. She did too. God, she's a natural when it comes to posing. Very photogenic girl, I must add.

Oh and no, none of the duck faces or peace sign either.

We left the church after nearly 30 minutes of exploring and photo taking.

Back on the main road, we decided to go a bit off road, and went into one of the alleys.

It was beautiful. The alley was a slope downwards, and it is really long. And there are quite a fair bit of beautiful flowers blooming left and right, and a few right on it.

[hiretuja]

First camperrrrrrrr

[KnightScorpio]

2nd camper .

[Alibaba49]

3rd camper

[JustFarkIT]

4th camper ....

[boisong2]

looks like I am the 5th camper.

[diputs1269]

So l shall be the sixth camper.

[wildcat77]

So many campers here already .

[StormWarrior]

Camping here too.

[RioDeJaneiro]

Pitch tent and camping.

[demonicsage]

They say road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Sometimes, you don't know if it is a good intention or a selfish one. But inevitably, you land in hell.

We met at a wrong time. Really, really wrong time.

I was so lost, confused, and broken. Not to mention scared. Deep down, I was really scared.

I risked a lot of things and migrated because I fell in love. And it didn't work out. Gradually, our personality mismatch and a lot of other mismatches show. They kept pulling us apart, and in the end, she left me.

I met Lindsey right after that.

My mind was clouded. No doubt I liked her. No doubt I was attracted to her.

But then similarities emerged. Or at least I thought so.

I didn't try to dig deeper. I didn't try to acknowledge how much she cared for me and was there for me. Heck, I didn't even try to remember that she is an individual human being, and a different person from the girl who left me.

They say everything is 20/20 in hindsight.

In order to not break my heart again, I put a stop to everything. As a result, I broke her heart, and along with it, my own heart.

But I was still looking out for her, caring for her. We're still in touch. And it's been gradually hurting her more. Unknowingly, it cuts me too.

Tonight, I have decided to completely remove myself from her life.

It hurts. And it is very hard for me to do that. Did I mention it hurts like hell?

I have never been good with saying goodbyes, nor accepting goodbyes.

Lindsey, you won't see this post. And you won't hear from me.

But I am so sorry. I am very very sorry. For all the hurt and pain I have caused. For pulling you back, gradually hurting you. For entering your life, and left selfishly.

You were my bedrock. You saved me without yourself knowing it. And I threw you away. For that, I will have to pay.

Now... it's time I leave, so that you can really start a new chapter in your life.