Need enlightenment

[Archerguard]

Originally Posted by Ladyrain

Ts. If im your girl, I will remove my heels for you. ....


And ........


THROW THEM ON YOUR HEAD OR AIM THEM AT YOUR SMALL BROTHER.

hahahaha... this is so comical. Give the bro. a tiger lah!

by the way, what is it about you and your email?

[Ladyrain]

Dont digress lah. Pm me.

[ArigatoSan]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

How about moving backwards or sideways?

Haha boss, top notch answer

[cmelater]

Originally Posted by btwn68n70

Sigh fellow bros i need enlightment, most of you are married/experienced in this aspect so hopefully be able to guide me on this journey of relationship.

I made a few threads about my ex gf about 6 months ago and talked about how much i longed for her, some of you told me to move on and some told me to give it another shot. About a month plus ago i finally had the courage to text her and to cut long story short, we were back together after an extremely strenuous conversation. She was my gf for 4 years before this.

I was gleaming with joy all the time since i got back with her, i love her a lot and im pretty certain she does too. However, perhaps due to my close-mindedness(more on this later) i cannot see myself in a future with her. Shes a very headstrong and independant girl and perhaps too much, when shes with me she does act demure and lovely but i can sense that these will eventually fade. As you guys know if a women is too headstrong its both psychologically and sexually repulsive. But again, she has a lot of character amd i think thats why im so attracted to her.

....... truncated message.....

Bros can you enlighten me, how should i deal with issues like this in the future? I understand that im not someone who controls her life and instruct her what to do and what not, i just wished she didnt. The heels is a small issue but the underlying matter is huge and im sure it will hit us(me) hard in the future. What can i do to improve myself? How can i grow up from these childish and insecure thinkings? I just feel like I love her very very much but i cant see a future of us together

Bro,

I also in the same shoes (may be not for much longer). My SO is super head strong. We fought a lot. Like what the other bros mentioned, its very tiring and a heart aching process. Each time we fight, a bit of us and a bit of that love fades away. After each fight, I felt a grief that was so hard to express and crying was more difficult.

A close friend to my family always asked me to give in and "live and let live". Saying is one thing, but really looking pass all the issues is not quite me. At some point in time, I broke down and walked out. Sounds like what you are facing? I can tell you that it wasn't the first time I walked out. Would you be walking the same path as me?

Except that I didn't throw tantrums at her. I just got tired enough that I walked out. I can no longer differentiate right from wrong. At times, I wondered if it would helped that I bit the bullet and pretend nothing was wrong. But, people don't change. Face can change, but the way the heart feels doesn't.

While older traditional Chinese folks think that fighting is normal, its something abnormal to me. Because it can reach some point where we all get immune to fighting and what really matters then? We live only this few decades. Do we continue pretending we are happy, so that someday we can close our eyes and that's that? Or do we do something and change the way things are and so that every moment from now on makes sense and has meaning? That choice and decision to change lies right in your hands.

Why did I settle with her in the first place? As far as I remember, it was because she cared for her folks and always made time to go home. That was a value that I treasured. I thought we would get over the fights. But, eventually, it was a terrible feeling to go home... cos seeing the other half with that sour and sulky look

But if you want to continue, the two of you have to talk it out. On the other hand, if you cannot tahan the disagreements, don't waste time... start planning an exit. Life is short. Don't make it shorter. Yes, make it count too.

Fate brings people together, but the heart decides who gets to stay. But, if really fated, two persons will eventually come together. Fate has strange ways of bringing people together. When I was younger, I wanted fight fate. But, now older, I rather let fate do the rest.

[zan888]

Originally Posted by cmelater

Bro,

I also in the same shoes (may be not for much longer). My SO is super head strong. We fought a lot. Like what the other bros mentioned, its very tiring and a heart aching process. Each time we fight, a bit of us and a bit of that love fades away. After each fight, I felt a grief that was so hard to express and crying was more difficult.

A close friend to my family always asked me to give in and "live and let live". Saying is one thing, but really looking pass all the issues is not quite me. At some point in time, I broke down and walked out. Sounds like what you are facing? I can tell you that it wasn't the first time I walked out. Would you be walking the same path as me?

Except that I didn't throw tantrums at her. I just got tired enough that I walked out. I can no longer differentiate right from wrong. At times, I wondered if it would helped that I bit the bullet and pretend nothing was wrong. But, people don't change. Face can change, but the way the heart feels doesn't.

While older traditional Chinese folks think that fighting is normal, its something abnormal to me. Because it can reach some point where we all get immune to fighting and what really matters then? We live only this few decades. Do we continue pretending we are happy, so that someday we can close our eyes and that's that? Or do we do something and change the way things are and so that every moment from now on makes sense and has meaning? That choice and decision to change lies right in your hands.

Why did I settle with her in the first place? As far as I remember, it was because she cared for her folks and always made time to go home. That was a value that I treasured. I thought we would get over the fights. But, eventually, it was a terrible feeling to go home... cos seeing the other half with that sour and sulky look

But if you want to continue, the two of you have to talk it out. On the other hand, if you cannot tahan the disagreements, don't waste time... start planning an exit. Life is short. Don't make it shorter. Yes, make it count too.

Fate brings people together, but the heart decides who gets to stay. But, if really fated, two persons will eventually come together. Fate has strange ways of bringing people together. When I was younger, I wanted fight fate. But, now older, I rather let fate do the rest.

Bro, I agree with most of what you said.

All relationship are works in progress but if a relationship takes so much work w/o much progress then I guess we need to talk to the other person calmly and logically for amiable break, if that is possible. Breakups should not be nasty or a blame game. Should be nice nice and understanding. Easier said that done I guess?

Some relationships are so tiring, one wonders why bother carrying on? The pain more than the pleasure? I guess if one can see a rainbow at the end of the struggle, there is a hope there? Well all the best bro. Hope you find what you are looking for.

[cmelater]

Originally Posted by zan888

Bro, I agree with most of what you said.

All relationship are works in progress but if a relationship takes so much work w/o much progress then I guess we need to talk to the other person calmly and logically for amiable break, if that is possible. Breakups should not be nasty or a blame game. Should be nice nice and understanding. Easier said that done I guess?

Some relationships are so tiring, one wonders why bother carrying on? The pain more than the pleasure? I guess if one can see a rainbow at the end of the struggle, there is a hope there? Well all the best bro. Hope you find what you are looking for.

Yup. Relationship is never as simple as what we see on tv dramas.

Most of the time, its not about 2 persons, but two villages (or communities) and the rest of the villagers have lots of influence. I myself am a victim of their influence.

Its tough to tell the other half not to heed their words. How not to? Worse is, when the rest of the village are politicians. :|

I am lost in this walk. Sometimes, just wish to sleep and not get up to face the realities. Very difficult to tell what is right. My SO may wish to continue, but my mind asks this tough question. Is it because she believes in this relationship? Or is it because sia suay no face, if break?

The crux of the problem lies in that everyone has their own goals and everyone thinks they are right. But, no one stops to think and ask what if whatever we believe was wrong in the first place? What if we take out what our friends and relatives have been saying to us, then what do we believe in?

The assumed obligations and duties just make all these relationships hard and difficult to maintain. Honestly, being alone still better. We all have to die alone someday, married or otherwise.